19 Years Proud

19 years ago I gave birth to my son.  He was three weeks early, cute as a button, and happy as a clam...little has changed all these years later.

When he brought home beautiful artwork or got good grades I was proud.  But when he told me he liked the way the house looked or that my hair looked nice I was even more proud.

When he was inducted into the National Junior Honor Society in middle school I was proud.  But when he refused to join NHS in high school, (even with the school giving us almost daily phone calls urging him to join),  because he felt like some of the kids cheated or falsified their applications to get in, I was even more proud.

When he held the door for his girlfriend I was proud.  But when he took the hand of my dying mother to give her comfort I was more proud. 

When he received an academic scholarship to an excellent university I was proud.  But when he came home after one of his roommates was attempting to bring drugs into the room I was even more proud.

When he made the sailing team and did well at regattas I was proud.  But when he took his summer vacation to not only work but to also become an EMT so that he could run on our local rescue squad I was even more proud.

You see, he has seen more in 19 years than many people will in a lifetime, some good, and some bad.  He has been to London and Paris and lots of places in between, suffered through the illnesses and subsequent loss of one set of grandparents who he saw nearly every day, and helped people who are ill or injured and in their hour of need.

In the next few months he has a big decision to make, to stay where he grew up and continue attending one of the best small colleges in the country, or to go to the city and go to school in a different environment.  He's torn, and I understand exactly where he's coming from, because 30 years ago I was in his shoes.  I did go away to school, to the same place he is considering, and after my 4 years I came right back home.  Like him, I worried that if I came home or never left I might be missing out on something or not go as far as I wanted with my career, but the truth is that if you aren't happy some place then all the rest of it doesn't really matter.

Coming back home was the best thing that ever happened to me, it allowed me to meet Mr. Tide, spend time with my parents who left this world too soon, and for my kids to have had an upbringing that allowed them to learn to drive a tractor before they ever drove a car...all while surrounded by close friends and family.  I understand that the choices I made are not for everyone, heck two of my siblings left for college and never came back, and they have certainly been happy and successful just like me.  And our daughter Angelfish loves us dearly, but has that need to travel the world and live in far flung lands.  So there is no right way, and the only limitations in life are the ones we place upon ourselves or let others place upon us.

My son Bugs is a lot like me, he's a small town boy, who loves where he comes from, loves knowing lots of people in town and not being able to get through the grocery store, or drive down the road, without seeing at least a handful of people he knows.  He likes being able to know that he can leave home and live in an apartment while going to school but still be able to run on the rescue squad as a crew chief every other weekend, or come home for a bowl of mom's chili, his favorite.  He's a little bit country, a little bit redneck, and a lot smart!

But there are people who think that in order to be successful in life you have to go away, you have to live someplace new, even if you don't like living in a city, that you need to get the whole college "experience."  They worry that maybe he's afraid to leave the area, or that he'll get stuck here and not reach his full potential...but they are wrong.  That's the beauty of life, we get to live our own lives, make our own choices, and shape our own futures.  I think sometimes people forget that, so when they give advice, it's not always what is best for the person seeking the advice, but is what they would do if they had the same choice to make.  You see it's HIS experience and his life, so only he can make that decision.  And based on every other decision he has made up until now...I (we) trust him completely!

No matter what he decides, he will have the love and support of his family, and in the end, the path he chooses is not nearly as important as the experience he will gain along the way.  Wherever he goes you'll likely see him driving a bright red mustang or a big 'ole truck, sporting a cowboy hat, with this song blaring on the radio and him singing along at the top of his lungs! 

Happy Birthday Bugs...we love you and couldn't be more proud of you!!!